When you died, my heart discovered new depths of feeling. I came to understand what a privilege it had been to live so long without knowing this kind of pain.
I wasn’t a stranger to loss.
Death had brushed my life more times than I care to focus on for too long. But losing you was different. The depth of patience, care, and unconditional love that your life required cracked me open in ways many people never experience. That opening touched every corner of who I am. My capacity for compassion and understanding grew in your presence. Every belly laugh resonated and would fill a room.
You instilled values in me that I will carry for the rest of my life. That is the true legacy you left behind, and one that I endeavor to leave behind. Not in dollar figures or deeds, but in the moments we find it in ourselves to meet someone’s eyes and offer presence and love without expectation, motive or restraint.
Loving you taught me vulnerability and discernment. It also taught me how the world can quietly surprise you when you let yourself be silly, when you soften, when you lean into joy.
Grief has re-emerged in my life since then, in new forms, teaching me more about resilience, authenticity, and the depth of life. My spine feels taller, and my eyes now carry the kind of wisdom you can only earn through rupture.
My mind still returns to you in the sweetest way.
Not only because, two years ago, I sat at your bedside holding your hand as you crossed to the other side but because you began softening me in ways only you could. And life, in its own relentless wisdom, picked up where you left off and kept softening me.
Some days I am a fucking mountain. Some days I am as soft as a stick of butter. Just as I was always meant to be.
I feel the coldest months of the year creeping into my bones again, yet my soft-bellied trust stays warm and toasty.
May I always be this way. May I always remember your giggle in the darkest hour. May your gentle innocence live on in the whimsical way I pour love into every nook and cranny of my life.
May I never forget these roots.
I will never forget these roots.
I would rather carry the weight of this grief than give back the gifts of having shared this time with you. It’s a small price to pay for the beauty and fullness you brought into our lives.
If you are moving through a season of grief and seeking meaningful support, I invite you to explore my Rituals of Remembrance offerings. These personalized ceremonies honour the complexity of loss and help you reconnect with what still matters most. You don’t have to carry it alone.
